10 Steps to Being Happy…In an Emotionally Abusive Relationship Part 4 of 4

Not everyone wants to leave an emotionally abusive relationship! Maybe there are plenty of good things still happening in your romantic relationship, so many that you tolerate the abuse! Maybe you have made a commitment to someone and really want to try and make it work…but the way it is working now, well, its just not working!  

Perhaps you love your job so much…you put up with a boss who chooses to belittle and criticize you as part of his/her daily routine.

Maybe your mother in law sees little value in you…and makes sure you know it every single time she sees you.

But now you are worn down and tired…and don’t want it to go on this way any longer. You are DONE putting up with this kind of treatment! You want to do something about it! You want to make the necessary changes! You want the abuse to STOP!

If you are in an emotionally abusive relationship and decide to stay, here are 10 steps to take to insure your happiness in the relationship!

1. Stop rescuing the one abusing you. Stop making excuses for them. Stop enabling them.
2. Start taking notes on when, how and why the abuse is occurring. Watch for certain behaviors or patterns to develop in certain circumstances. This gives you the quick recollection you will need when it comes to confronting your abuser. They will ask you for situational examples…they always do!
3. Know that your feelings and emotions are real and they are a signal to you that something is not right. Feel what you are feeling and do not let anyone discount or tell you your feelings don’t matter or count because they do. Reclaim the emotions and feelings that belong to you! THEY ARE YOURS!
4. Think about the new boundaries and guidelines you want to set, and what behaviors you will and won’t accept. Then after they have been set…stick to them and follow through. You will need to give some in-depth thought to these new boundaries and guidelines as well as the consequences for not following them BEFORE you can implement them. Why? Because they need to be totally clear to the abuser! Does this mean they will change right then and there? NO! It will take time. Will they be resistant to change? YES, but that is normal. Stay true to yourself and do not fall back into the old dance of abuse.
5. Learn how to be your own advocate. Be assertive even when it is hard to as the victim of emotional abuse. There are nice (or not so nice) ways to do this and you will feel empowered each and every time you assert yourself! Begin by using “I” statement as opposed to “YOU” statements. This takes away their need to be defensive from the start!
6. Determine the appropriate place and time to confront and communicate with the abuser. Sometimes this can be the hardest thing to do when you have lived a life filled with criticism. It takes courage to make this move but if you do, you will be that much closer to getting the results you want!
7. If you are being abused in your own home by someone…and do nothing… your children will think verbal and emotional abuse is ok and “normal” and it will be handed down to the next generation. If you do nothing…nothing will change, it will only get worse.
8. This is a good time for self-evaluation. Ask yourself this one question: “Why am I allowing this abuse to happen?” Examine previous relationships and your upbringing as a child. Were you taught by anyone at a young age to stand up for yourself or were you taught to be passive and not speak up? You may be surprised at what you learn!  Maybe over time you developed a fear of being rejected, a fear of love being withdrawn or a fear of rage and anger? This is a great time to be good to yourself and give yourself some much needed TLC. You deserve it…you really do!
9. Surround yourself with a network of friends and family who truly love, care, and validate you. These people will be your support group. Find someone you can confide in who will listen when you need to vent your anger and hurt about the abuse. As you try to make changes, feathers will be rustled and you will need people who will support you.
10. Work on building up your self-esteem. Stop being so critical of yourself and replace the negative self-talk with positive self-talk.   Its hard, I know, it takes tons of focus and effort to focus on the positives…and you have a lot of positives! Take a good look at all the positive strengths you have and the courage it took to initiate the end of the abuse.

Ladies…You have the ability within you to break the cycle of emotional abuse! You have the ability to make the necessary changes to protect yourself and to set a great example to your kids! At Purple Cheetah Life, I take emotional abuse very seriously. Nobody deserves to be emotionally abused…ever!   Don’t wait one more day! The changes you make TODAY to break this unwanted cycle of abuse… will lead you down the road to a much more fulfilling and rewarding life!

If you are in an abusive relationship, what is your plan? Please share with us as we can all learn from your story!