Every time she would have a fight with Kurt, Kendra would call her friends and they would meet for drinks. A night of friends and gossip seemed to be the remedy Kendra felt she needed to escape another battle with Kurt. Kendra numbed her pain by trashing Kurt to anyone who would listen…and it was no problem finding people to hear her out the whole night long!
Kendra quite bored in her 16 year marriage, gave up on trying to put her marriage back together a couple years ago when she found out Kurt had an addiction to porn. Kurt got help and overcame his addition but Kendra never took the time to work through the pain Kirk’s addiction caused HER.
She said she forgave him, but deep down inside she continued to carry around a load of bitterness and resentment and everyone but Kendra could see it! Instead of turning towards her marriage to work through her devastation directly with Kurt, Kendra continued to heal herself with the outside pleasures the world had to offer her, alcohol and trash talking! But, the alcohol and trash talking were never enough to heal Kendra from her pain… and the way she dealt with her pain was taking a toll on their marriage…big time!
Was Kendra taking any steps to repair and affair proof her already troubled marriage? No! She was actually doing the opposite and setting her marriage up for A DOWNWARD SPIRAL! Kendra was hurt beyond belief when she found out about the porn addiction as many of us would be.
She felt her self esteem plummet every day, not to mention her value as a wife. Her bitterness and resentment, coupled with her inability to truly forgive Kurt became her focus and quest for revenge. She let the outside pleasures numb her loneliness and pain, but they were only temporary.
In time, Kurt started to suffer from loneliness and isolation as well The only people he could turn to were the guys in his support group which he felt fortunate to have, but it wasn’t like talking to his wife.
The bottom line is each of them was starving in the marriage and each desperate to be loved. This marriage was heading for a disaster…and fast!
You see Kendra was running to the outside of her marriage to temporarily fix the problem, and it wasn’t working…just a temporary numbing. She had given up putting any effort into the relationship because she didn’t know how to any longer. The hurt and pain she was feeling, was overshadowing any love or even like, she may have felt for Kurt.
One morning Kendra woke up and felt lonelier than she ever had in her life! She knew her marriage was in a dark valley, a valley she never thought possible. She knew she was treating Kurt like dirt and the only thing keeping Kurt from leaving…was the guilt and remorse he felt for what he had done…she wondered if he even loved her anymore. She knew things could not go on like this….the marriage could not survive…and this is when Kendra came to me…she wanted a rescue! Read my next blog post, “A Shift In Relationship Focus – 8 Steps to Affair Proofing – Part 2 of 3“, to see what we did to start Kendra on the path to happiness!
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