8 Tips for Dealing with First Time Liars

LIAR, LIAR…ARE YOU IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH ONE?

Someone has lied to you and its playing havoc on your relationship? You have NO IDEA why they would do such a thing…especially to you! They have never lied to you before, ever… and you don’t know what to do. It doesn’t matter what kind of lie it was, big or small…it was a lie and it HURTS! Lying, deception, dishonesty… these are huge RED FLAGS in a relationship that really get our attention!

Does it have your attention?

Many people believe, once you have been lied to…the relationship, as it was, is basically over…you will never be able to fully trust that person, again!

What do you believe?

Lying is challenging and can be a tough to work through in any kind of relationship. Why? Because it causes a lot of hurt and pain, especially when a spouse or significant other has lied to you!

However, as tough as it is to work through…from my experience in working with many people who deal with lying…I want to give you HOPE! With effort, forgiveness, communication and new boundaries… the relationship can get back on track again!

Here are some quick tips for dealing with first time liars:

1. Be calm and don’t over react…which can be hard to do! Being harsh, judgmental and defensive puts the liar in a defensive mode … and the conversation will not be productive!
2. When the timing is right, and you have calmed down…confront the person who lied to you…DO NOT sweep the lie under the rug as if nothing ever happened. It needs to be ADDRESSED so it won’t happen again!
3. LISTEN…allow the first time liar a chance to explain the reasons surrounding their need to lie to you. What made them feel lying was their best option? It doesn’t mean you have to agree with or accept their explanation, just give them a chance to explain themselves and why they felt so compelled to lie.
4. Let them ASK YOU for your forgiveness.
5. When you are ready, be willing to forgive the person and give them a second chance, this time with clear boundaries and clear consequences in place, so it will not happen again!
6. Make an agreement with the person who lied to you, that they will put maximum amount of effort into being honest with you from this point on.
7. Let them know they will have to earn back the lost trust over time, because it won’t happen overnight and the trust may only be earned back based on their future actions.
8. Then release it and let it go…so it doesn’t fester and grow into bitterness!

As upset, hurt or angry as you are when you discover you have been lied to, your reaction to a first time liar, can make all the difference in the world! Be calm and get the facts, don’t react or overeact, confront them, listen to what they have to say…then decide if you want to give them a second chance, by forgiving them. Remember, they will need to earn back your trust through their actions, and it may take time for them to prove to you they are trustworthy again!

Have you been lied to by someone for the very first time… and you are devastated! I would love to have you share your story with us!