8 Steps To Take When Asking Someone to Forgive You

DO YOU NEED TO ASK FOR FORGIVENESS? Asking for forgiveness, when you have hurt someone, is a very humbling experience none of us care to go through! Since none of us are perfect, we are all capable of making mistakes, some of our mistakes are bigger than others, but we are all capable of making them!

The good news is, we were all made with this yearning in our hearts to be forgiven. This desire propels us to enter a state of humility, which is where we need to be if, we want someone to forgive us…humble! If you need to ask someone to forgive you for something you said or did, or didn’t say or do, check out these 8 steps to asking for forgiveness!

8 STEPS TO ASKING FOR FORGIVENESS

1. Forgiveness begins with you being honest with yourself. Do you believe what you did was wrong? If so ADMIT you were wrong, this is the first step.
2. Take responsibility and ownership for your actions. Do not blame, try to justify, or make excuses for what was done. This serves no purpose when it comes to forgiveness. Explanations for your actions can come later. Ask yourself, if you understand how your actions hurt and affected the other person. Do you know the impact your actions had on them? Do you truly understand your part in it? Be honest with yourself so you can be honest with the person you want to forgive you. Write it all down so you are very clear on what you want to say to them before you say it.
3. Ask your higher power (God) who is always willing to forgive, to forgive you for your actions. Then FORGIVE YOURSELF. This is very important, regardless of what you have done, if you can’t forgive yourself, how can you expect another person to forgive you?
4. Give the person the time and space needed to work through their feelings and emotions. If it’s too soon, their defenses and guards will be up, and they may not be receptive to the thought of forgiveness. This means you will have to wait longer. Choose the time you speak to them wisely, you may only have one shot at it!
5. Keep in mind using the words “I’m sorry” “sorry about that” are empty surface words. They don’t speak deep into the heart. While it may eliminate some guilt you have, it does nothing for the person you want to forgive you. You must try and understand how your actions wounded them and the hurt it caused them. The hurt and pain you caused is what needs to be addressed. I am sorry for…
6. If you meet in person, regardless of how the person reacts, keep your composure. Do not get angry, critical, or finger point. This is a time to stay calm and show compassion and kindness towards the person you need forgiveness from. This is not a time for you to get defensive. You have stepped into a role of being humble. Some people find it easier and prefer to write a letter or send an in depth email to the person they are asking for forgiveness. It allows one to express what they want to say in a heartfelt way, free from interruptions or rabbit trails. It could set the stage for a more humble face to face situation later.
7. You cannot demand, order or make someone forgive you. It is their choice to forgive you or not to forgive you, this part is NOT in your control.   The only part in your control is 1) whether you decide to ASK for forgiveness, and 2) taking steps to make the changes the forgiver is requesting you to make.
8. Forgiveness takes time it doesn’t happen overnight. Many times you will have to prove to the person you hurt, it won’t happen again. This is a huge part of forgiveness. You must be willing to make the necessary changes to ensure the person forgiving you that your action will not be repeated and will not harm them again. This is how trust is rebuilt.

Asking for forgiveness is a humbling experience, and so necessary if you want the relationship to be healthy! It’s hard to sit in the shame, the guilt and the muck of what we have done when we hurt the people we love. But, many times we think we deserve it, so we stay there. Sure, it’s devastating to everyone involved, but when we beat ourselves up over and over again, we get stuck in a destructive cycle and are not moving towards healing.

Forgiveness pulls us out of our destructive thinking because we are taking action and are doing something about it! If you are thinking about asking someone to forgive you, don’t wait any longer, it might be exactly what the relationship needs!

Would your life be better if you decided to ask someone for forgiveness?