5 Road Blocks to Healthy Relationships

It was another night of tears for Kellie, a 36 year old mom of two. Since she started back to work 2 years ago, Mike, her husband, never seemed to be happy. He would walk through the door, frustrated because dinner wasn’t ready or even started. He would hurl hurtful digs her way because the kids hadn’t started their homework or the dogs hadn’t been fed or walked. Every day he would make comments about the house being a pit and unorganized and Kellie felt like such a failure. Nothing she did was ever good enough for Mike. Mike would tell Kellie over and over again, “My mom worked, raised us kids, and kept everything in order. She did it all, so why can’t you?” This only added fuel to Kellie’s fire.

There was a time in Kellie’s life when she was able to deal with Mike’s perfectionistic ways.   But those were the days she was staying home with her young kids and working part time for her dad.   She didn’t have to make the grueling 30 mile commute downtown to the office 5 days a week, extending her days another 2 hours. But money was tight, the job paid well, and Kellie thought it was the perfect job for her. So they both decided it would be a great opportunity to get some bills paid off. But now, 2 years later, neither one of them were happy. They were stuck in a place they didn’t want to be and nothing they did was working.

Kellie contemplated a separation because she was so worn down and couldn’t deal with Mike in his current state. She thought it might be her only way out of her misery. She really didn’t want to but she also didn’t want to be around him any longer. She knew things had to change. She couldn’t live this way any longer and she knew she needed to take action.

Maybe you are in a relationship like Kellie and Mike…seemingly heading nowhere?? Is something blocking you from having the relationship you once had or want to have with someone? I have discovered there are FIVE COMMON ROAD BLOCKS, that left untreated, create barriers in most relationships.

1. UNREALISTIC EXPECTATIONS   We all want the fairytale relationship we set out to find, in a marriage, a partner, with our kids, at work or even with our friendships!  Often times we put relationships up there on a pedestal, and set high expectations that cannot possibly be met by the other person. When the bar has been set so high and our spouse doesn’t deliver, we are disappointed, let down, and both people start building up resentment.  Perfectionists are good setting set unreasonable expectations making it a lose –lose relationship!   Do yourself a big favor make those expectations realistic for both of you!
2. COMMUNICATION ISSUES   A huge block to having a healthy relationship is found in our ability to communicate with each other.  It goes much deeper than words.   Are you open and honest in your communication?  If you don’t feel safe enough to share your feelings, you won’t share.  If you speak and your partner is not listening to you, you don’t feel heard, which is one of the top complaints amongst couples.   Are you constantly being interrupted, judged, criticized or does every attempt to communicate end up in an argument?  Are words being used to hurt and destroy you or to build you up?  It is essential to find your relationship communication style!
3. LACK OF RESPECT   When a relationship lacks mutual respect a road block is put in place.  We all need and deserve respect when in a relationship to keep it alive.  Even if the other person does not agree with you, they can still respect you and your opinion, dreams, goals, friends, desires etc.   Showing respect is an important way to validate the other person and to build up trust.
4. BOUNDARY ISSUES   Are you in a relationship with a “boundary buster,” someone who runs all over you?  Boundaries are meant to keep us safe and from being trampled on.  We set them based on our values and what we want and don’t want in a relationship.  Relationships without boundaries are relationships without guidelines.   Boundaries protect and let the other person know when enough is enough!
5. LACK OF TRUST   Without trust, the relationship will wither and die.  When you don’t trust someone or they don’t trust you, you know they are NOT looking out for your best interest.  When trust has been broken in a relationship it will take time before it can be built back up again causing a huge block to a healthy relationship.  But there is hope,  many relationships that suffering from lost trust do find trust once again!

Of course road blocks are not limited to these 5, but many others pop up along the way such as, getting stuck, unforgiveness, affairs, inability to parent together, value issues, and the list goes on.  Perhaps some of you have roadblocks you have encountered that you would like to share on my blog…if so, leave me a comment and we can all learn more.