Lilly and Chad had a wonderful relationship for the first 8 years of their marriage. Then something started to go wrong! Over a period of months, Lilly started noticing that when she tried to talk to Chad, he would interrupt her or try and change the subject back to how his day went. Most of the time, he would walk into the other room claiming he could both listen and go through his mail at the same time. Sometimes, he would take out his phone and start reading his text messages when she tried to talk to him.
Lilly became extremely hurt and frustrated at the same time. After all, she just wanted to talk to Chad about her day. Lilly was clearly NOT FEELING HEARD by Chad, which was causing problems in their relationship. When she tried to discuss her feelings with him, he would always tell her she was “over reacting.” More disappointment for Lilly. In time, Lilly’s hurt and frustration turned into anger and she built up more and more resentment. Before they knew it, all attempts to talk would end up in yelling matches.
Maybe you can relate to how Lilly is feeling? When someone chooses not to listen to us, it is both frustrating and hurtful. Listening is such a big part of communication. In fact, “not feeling heard” is one of the top complaints couples have in their relationships today!
COMMUNICATION IS THE ‘LIFELINE’ IN RELATIONSHIPS! It’s what keeps our relationships ALIVE and THRIVING! We spend more than 70% of our waking moments communicating with each other through talking, listening, writing, and reading (texting, e-mailing, social networking). It’s what allows us to stay connected with the ones we love! But what happens when the communication breaks down like in did with Lilly and Chad?
Road Block #2 is COMMUNICATION ISSUES. Here are some of the top communication issues I often see in relationships…and a quick solution you might want to use to improve your own communication…
- People don’t take the time they need to talk with each other to stay connected. We’re too busy and we don’t make it a priority. Find the time!
- Some people are not open and honest in their communication. Honesty is crucial in all effective communication.
- The environment is not safe where feelings can be shared without fear. If it’s not safe, people will not share. Take a good look at the environment your relationship is in. Is it safe?
- Lack of active listening skills. If you are not giving your full attention, then you are not actively listening. Put down those cell phones and look directly at the person. When you think you have listened enough…listen some more. The more the listening, the more the sharing! Active listening take practice, lots of practice!
- Interrupting, judging, and criticizing shuts down communication between two people in a heartbeat. Be respectful and give the other person the floor while you give them your full attention. Resist the urge to interject your two cents!
- Words being used to hurt and destroy someone can’t be used to build them up. Encouraging words are well received!
- Not understanding how the other person communicates, what is their communication style? Study their communication interactions. What have you learned about how this person communicates?
- Giving unwanted advice. Try hard to save it until they ask for it!
- Not picking the right time and place to talk. Timing is everything! Pick your time and place wisely!
- Not being clear on what is being communicated. Clarity is key!
Has communication broken down in one or more of these areas in your relationship? Remember, the key to successful communication is being able to understand each other to the best of our ability and to be understood. Communication challenges, like other road blocks, can be overcome. Remember, they are just warning signals that something is in need of change. What are some of the communication breakdowns you are experiencing in your relationships? I would love to hear from you! We can all learn from each other!
If you want to check out all 5 Relationship Road Blocks you can read about them in my earlier post.
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