Everyone loved Lysa at the office! She was a confident, well respected, hard worker and had great leadership qualities as a manager. When it came to her personal life, Lysa, was quite the opposite. Her 2 year engagement to Rich didn’t excite her like it used to. Even though she loved Rich, he had emotionally beaten her down with his control tendencies, neglected her and left her often feeling unloved.
Jim was new to the office, a handsome guy from the 3rd floor who turned heads every time he came down. Jim and Lysa met for coffee one day, for Lysa, she marveled at his listening skills and she felt like she could tell Jim things she couldn’t even tell Rich, her fiancé. He complimented her and made her feel really special. They started texting and sending e-mails every few days and within a month, it was many times a day. They would secretly meet for lunch or dinner, and sometimes coffee on the weekend. Of course, all for the sake of “the project at work” she would tell Rich. She thought about him non=stop and couldn’t wait for the next text or email to come in, always being careful to delete them after she would read them. One Saturday during a Starbucks run, Jim tried to kiss Lysa. Startled, she pulled away at first…but later that same morning, she let him kiss her and found herself wanting more.
Lysa, now treading in dangerous territory, never really thought much of the kiss, chalking it up to a one time isolated incident, she would tell herself. She also never had intentions to have sex with Jim, thinking a kiss would be as far as she would let it go. After all, she wasn’t married yet, and it wasn’t hurting anyone, she thought. Kisses started to happen frequently and thoughts of him were constant. She never did let it get to the point of actually having sex with Jim, although the invitations were certainly there. But things did escalate into more when she would allow herself to meet Jim at his condo.
One Friday evening, her fiancé Rich saw her iPhone sitting on the back bumper of her car. He picked it up and of course couldn’t resist peeking. He put in her code and unlocked the phone…. BOOM, right in his face… he couldn’t believe what he saw on her screen? “ I miss u, lunch tomorrow?” “Yes R, usual place, time?” “ Last Sat was fun ” “sure was”. Rich thought to himself, she had to work last Saturday… his wheels started spinning. Her relationship with Rich started to unravel at the seams when he confronted her. When did Lysa cross the line?
Are you in a committed relationship and MORE than just friends with someone else?
Here’s how it works!
It always starts out as a “friendship” or as “co-workers.” If you are not aware and on guard, this friendship can BLINDLY lead you down the path of destruction . We all know both men and women have friends and co-workers of the opposite sex, its expected, natural and unavoidable in life! But, do you know where the line is drawn between “”just friends” and “more than friends?” It can be deceiving because the world has us thinking “more than friends” is all about having sex with someone who is not your partner or spouse! And, if you don’t have sex…then its all good! “Crossing the line” is so much more than attaching yourself to someone physically…it’s about attaching emotionally as well. How do you know if you’ve crossed the line between “friendship” and “something more?”
SIGNS YOU ARE CROSSING THE LINE INTO THE ‘MORE THAN FRIENDS” CATEGORY
- SEXUAL ATTRACTION You are attracted to the other person physically. You are having sexual thoughts or fantasies about this person. You change your appearance or start dressing up for them. So they will notice you. YOU ARE CROSSING THE LINE
- LIES AND SECRECY You start lying or telling partial truths to your partner or spouse to cover up your relationship with this person. YOU ARE CROSSING THE LINE
- EMOTIONAL ATTACHMENT You find you are sharing parts of your intimate personal life which were reserved only for your spouse or partner. You find they understand you more than your spouse or partner does. This person gives you a sense of security unlike your spouse or partner. YOU ARE CROSSING THE LINE
- TECHNOLOGY You are constantly checking your phone or computer for emails or texts from this person. You spend time making sure all communication is deleted? YOU ARE CROSSING THE LINE
- ATTITUDE After a communication or contact with this person you are happy and your attitude changes for the better. You can’t wait for the next contact? You think about this person more than you think about your spouse or partner. YOU ARE CROSSING THE LINE.
If you see any of these signs you could be crossing into dangerous territory! Read my next post to see how to protect yourself and your relationship from the gravitational pull that lurks around the corner, read it before its too late!
Have you defined what crossing the line would look like in your romantic relationship? I welcome your thoughts and comments!
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