Dana was tired of being taken for granted day after day by everyone in her family. She spent countless hours worrying about her husband Andy. Would be coming home from work or heading straight to the bars to pacify his alcohol problem. If seemed her life revolved around cleaning up the messes Andy would make after his drunken rages. She worked so hard at making sure Andy and the kid’s needs were taken care of. But even so, nobody seemed to appreciate her efforts. This led Dana down a path to building up resentment because nobody was concerned about her needs. Following the feelings of resentment would come guilt, for feeling resentful in the first place. Dana never gave any attention to her own needs in life, thinking it would be the “selfish” thing to do. Besides it was more important she try and fix Andy’s issue first. Then she could figure out why she felt the way she did.
Brooke had a normal childhood, no major issues, no drama, no abuse and no alcoholism in her family….but she was missing something important in her life and couldn’t pinpoint it. Brooke, a “blend in with the background” kind of gal, had pride in herself when it came to being able to adjust to what people around her wanted from her. Brooke was a “People Pleaser” and felt others people’s needs were more important than her own. It made her feel good when she could meet their needs. But, even though she loved helping people out…she would often experience feelings of emptiness and loneliness. She had no idea what it would look like to have her needs met…because she didn’t know what those needs might be.
Sarah felt she was trapped in her own life. She felt a constant need to run, a constant need to avoid. Whether it was family, work, church or the community…everyone demanded she do something for them, and without hesitation she would not disappoint them. Sweet Sarah has a servant’s heart and learned in childhood, other people should have their needs met before her own. If she were to meet her own needs first, it would be considered “selfish.” Sarah had no boundaries and a fear of letting people down.
Most people think co-dependents are “enablers” in a relationship with an alcoholic. But, that’s just one example. Codependents come in many forms and are people just like you and me! But, somewhere, somehow along the way, either in early childhood or through a dysfunctional relationship then encountered, learned to place other’s needs before their own!
CO-DEPENDENTS TRULY ARE CARING PEOPLE!…but they somehow take it beyond basic “nurturing” and “helping someone,” who can’t take care of themselves! Co-dependents tend to be “people pleasers,” “approval seekers” and “attention getters” and they can manipulate, sometimes unknowingly, for their own personal gain! It is a challenge to break the cycle because the behaviors tend to recycle themselves and get repeated over and over, but it can be done!
Check out these steps to BREAKING THE CO-DEPENDENCY CYCLE!
- AWARENESS AND UNDERSTANDING Know what co-dependency is, and if you fall into co-dependent tendencies. Be honest with yourself and do not live in DENIAL. Was this something that you learn in childhood or did you develop it in adulthood because of a dysfunctional relationship you are in.
- DETACH Separate yourself from whatever or whoever you are obsessing over.
- SELF EXAMINATION Take a good look at your relationship(s) What is the Intent behind your codependent tendencies, what are your motives, what are you getting out of it. Do you feel responsible for other people’s actions?
- DEVELOP A RELATIONSHIP WITH YOURSELF What do you know about yourself? about yourself? What are you likes, dislikes, wants, desires and preferences. You know better than anyone. What make you happy and content in life!
- DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOUR MOST IMPORTANT NEEDS ARE? This is so very important when it comes to being able to have your needs filled,. Why? Because if you don’t know what your needs are, how can they be filled? These are the needs “YOU” have… NOT the needs other’s have told you to have.
- CURB ANY NEGATIVE SELF TALK There is no place for it when it comes to recovery, it’s self defeating.
- ELIMINATE ANY FALSE BELIEFS You know the lies you have told yourself, like “I am not good enough” “I could never” “I get what I deserve” “Others are more important than me”
- ESTABLISH BOUNDARIES Are you able to say “NO” to other people. Are you a “people pleaser.” Are you easily convinced and manipulated into doing something you don’t want to do? Boundaries are essential when it comes to breaking this cycle of co-dependency. Learn assertiveness and this way you will be honoring YOU!!!!
- SELF-CARE Work on self-care by improving your self-esteem and self-worth!
- If you do not see improvement, ask a professional to help you break this cycle!
TODAY…IS A GREAT DAY TO TAKE ACTION AND DO SOMETHING ABOUT THE CO-DEPENDENCY THAT HAS BEEN HOLDING YOU BACK FROM FINDING THE FREEDOM YOU HAVE BEEN SEARCHING FOR!
YOU DESERVE TO HAVE YOUR NEEDS MET, YOU ARE IMPORTANT, YOU ARE UNIQUE, YOU ARE LOVABLE AND YOU DESERVE TO BE HAPPY AND FULFILLED!
Are you in a co-dependent relationship with someone? I would love to have you share your story!
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