At first, it didn’t really bother Heather and she would laugh it off thinking he was joking around. But, over time, she noticed she was starting to avoid her husband Allan, when he came home from the office. She was afraid to make dinner, each night waiting to see if that left eyebrow was going to arch upward as he showed his disgust with her menu selection, leaving her feeling rejected…again. If there was a new item bought for the house, many times the eyebrow would arch as he’d say, “well you know how you are at decorating, better leave it to someone else,” referring to the time she picked out the white couch and the kids spilled apple juice on it.
In time Heather started buying premade meals or getting “take out” so she didn’t encounter the “eyebrow.” She never bought anything for the house, eliminating his critical sarcastic comments. Her outfits were picked out by a personal shopper, then, at least someone else would be to blame. Rejection became a driving force in Heather’s life, and avoidance was her way of coping.
REJECTION HURTS!
We all fear rejection! Rejection hurts and destroys relationships like a stick of dynamite! “Rejection” is a backwards form of manipulation and can be a very destructive and dangerous communication tool when used to manipulate and control another person. Those who are being deprived of love, or are having love withheld are perfect targets, because, they are searching so hard for love and attention.
REJECTION STINGS THE VERY CORE OF OUR SELF WORTH!
You see, a person can communicate disgust, inadequacy and disapproval, through a degrading look, a single word or gesture, WE SAW IT IN THE STORY! It says we are less than, we don’t measure up and until we change or conform to their ways, there will not be any love for you! So, what do we do? We work harder to do things their way, or, we may run away from it and withdraw from the relationship for fear of being rejected and hurt again. Because, if we don’t have something they can reject, we are safe. Often times, people will use anger and rage which communicates disapproval or rejection too!
So what do we do if “rejection” is being used as a weapon against us in our relationships… because we have to do something or our self- worth will continue to be whittled away!
Getting rid of the weapon:
- When we run away from our fear of being “rejected” we are allowing the person inflicting the fear to control us. We are not in control of our own life. Determine what and who you are running away from or avoiding in order to eliminate the pain that comes from their rejection. Then, find the confidence and courage to confront the person you are allowing to control you with their manipulative ways, and tell them it will no longer work on you.
- When a person experiences a fear of being rejected, they often have a hard time expressing their own needs, desires and opinions to their partner, spouse, co-worker etc. They are afraid to, for fear it will be used to hurt them. Nobody wants to be rejected! So start right now and practice communicating your needs to the other person, in time you will become stronger and will thank yourself for doing something about it!
- The stronger your self-worth, the less the fear of rejection. If you don’t base your self-worth on what others think of you, the fear lessens. Take steps to work on strengthening your self-esteem right away! Click here for more on strengthening self-esteem xxxlink
By eliminating the false belief we have that says; in order for us to feel good about ourselves, we must have other’s approval, we must have others respect, we must have others admiration and acceptance… and we must be liked by everyone…eliminate this belief and we will start claiming back some of our long lost dignity and self-respect.
We don’t have to put up with other people’s rejection, especially if it is coming in the form of a manipulative weapon being used against us! People use and disguise rejection in the forms of criticism, sarcasm, silence and gestures to manipulate you into doing what they want you to do in a relationship. If you think fear of rejection is interfering and keeping you from having a healthy relationship with someone, try these simple tips
- confront the other person who is controlling you and let them know the behavior needs to stop
- express your needs to that person
- work on elevating your self-worth, the more confident you are the less you will fear rejection
… and you will be well on your way to having a more freedom filled life and relationship!
Is rejection being used as a tool against you? How did you stop it? We would love to have you share your story with us!
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