How are your listening skills? Are you a good listener, or are you quick to offer advice. Do you try and fix the other person or help them to fix themselves? Good questions to think about!
Have you ever met another person who does not like to be heard! Not feeling heard is one of the top reasons our relationships struggle and the #1 complaint women have in their romantic relationships! When someone is trying to continually fix us or tell us how we should feel, they shut us down…and then we stop talking! It’s a lose-lose situation!
If we are given the opportunity to talk without the fear of being shut down, tuned out or fixed, we will actually open up and share more as we process and think through our emotions! Men by nature are great at trying to fix things…but, women don’t want to be fixed, we want to be heard! Can I say that again…WE WANT TO BE HEARD!
When I ask you to listen to me
And you start giving me advice,
You have not done what I asked
When I ask you to listen to me
And you begin to tell me why I shouldn’t feel that way,
You are trampling on my feelings.
When I ask you to listen to me
And you feel you have to do something to solve my problem,
You have failed me, strange as that may seem.
Listen, all I asked is that you listen
Not talk or do-just hear me.
I can do for myself, I am not helpless
Maybe discourage and faltering, but not helpless.
When you do something for me, I can and need to do
For myself, you contribute to my fear and weakness,
But when you accept as a simple fact that I do feel what I feel,
No matter how irrational, then I can quit trying to convince
You and get about the business of understanding what’s
Behind this irrational feeling,
And when that’s clear, the answers are obvious and I
Don’t need advice.
Irrational feelings make sense when we understand
What’s behind them.
Perhaps that’s why prayer works sometimes for some people,
God listens and he doesn’t give advice or try to fix things while you are talking,
He just listens…
So please just listen and hear me, and if you want to talk,
Wait a minute for your turn; and I’ll listen to you!
–Anonymous
If we are given the chance to work through our issues…we learn from it! We learn to understand our own feelings and emotions by processing through them; we become more self- sufficient and are apt to try new things without fear of failing. Our self- worth and self-esteem soar and we are glowing with confidence! People, are attracted to confident people! Being a good listener is a benefit to both people and a key ingredient to a healthy loving relationship!
HEY GUYS….we don’t want to be fixed! Next time we start sharing our thoughts with you… just take a deep breath, sit back and listen….and then listen some more!!! Great rewards come from listening!
Girls…do you agree?
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