I can hear Aretha Franklin belting out her song right now …R.E.S.P.E.C.T. Or maybe you can relate better to Rodney Dangerfield when he always said, “I don’t get no RESPECT.” Isn’t that what we are all looking for in life…a little RESPECT? I know I am! Especially when it comes to my relationships! If we don’t have respect in our relationships, how can we feel validated? So here’s what happens when we don’t get the respect we want or deserve. When we don’t feel validated by someone, that someone does not earn our trust. In other words, if they want to earn my trust, then I need to be respected!
What is RESPECT…really? Respect is a personal boundary we set for ourselves based on our values, standards, beliefs, and what we want out of life. It also communicates what we will and won’t tolerate from others. It is what WE stand for as individuals! What I love about respect is that each one of us gets to define it! Some of us have high bars when it comes to respect, some have lower bars, and some are in between. But you are the one who decides your level of respect. You are also the one in charge of guarding your respect, which is a foundation for your self-esteem!
Someone who has respect for themselves will stand up, speak up, and walk away from those who do not show respect. But sometimes we get into a relationship with someone who walks all over our personal boundary of respect, so much so that we start compromising where we stand on respect. They start trying to lower our bar. And they will if we let them. The problem is, so often it happens so gradually we don’t even know they are doing it because it happens over time.
When a relationship lacks mutual respect a road block is put in place. We all need and deserve respect in order to keep a relationship alive! Even if the other person does not agree with you, they can still respect you and your opinion, dreams, goals, friends, desires, etc. But if they choose to disrespect you by walking all over your personal boundaries, it’s your responsibility to let them know you will not tolerate their actions! To do this you need to speak up and stand up for yourself. If you don’t, they will keep trying to lower your bar and your standards.
Maybe you are in a relationship where you are tolerating disrespectful behavior because you fear if you don’t, that person will leave you? Please protect your self-worth and your self-esteem and let them know their disrespect will no longer be tolerated. Draw the line in the sand! You will feel empowered by protecting yourself and not lowering your “respect bar.” People respect people who have boundaries! If you are challenged by disrespect in your relationship, I would love you to hear your story! Share what you have or are experiencing…I’m sure there are many others in a similar situation!
This is the third Road Block, please visit 5 Road Blocks to Healthy Relationships to read more about all 5 road blocks.
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